Reflection 2009, resolution 2010

Unlike the previous years, I need quite a long time to write this although I already wrote this in my mobile notes. Even for now, I think I still need a deep breath to start writing my reflection. first of all, I would loke to say alhamdulillah for all blessings I had last year, for every wishes you granted, for my life. If I read my last year wishes, all of them come true altough some of them are not in the form I have imagined before. But I believe that you know better.

Last year I wished 2009 to be a year of breakthough, and it was a year of breakthrough in almost every single aspects of my life. Career wise, 2009 has been a very energy consuming years. For the first time, I was in charged as the project coordinator and need to be responsible for the whole project implementtion from the beginning til the end. It won't be that difficult if everything followed the initial plan. Too bad 2 of OTMI's staff resigned and one of the is the one i highly trusted and relied on. Such a big lost.

My project that supposes to be handled by three people was then handled by 2 people, and it kepps changing. I prefer to have fix partner actually, but that was the situation. My colleagues also handled other projects. So it's a bit complicated. As a bonus there were many problems occured such as last minute cancellation, different perspective with my boss, pressures, obstacles, and all difficulties in one complete package named: lesson learnt.

If I looked back, what I considered as very difficult situation at that time is actually a university of life. To face it I need hardwork, teamwork, self control and absolutely praying to you. Hopefuly I would be able to finish the project on time.

I made so many mstakes in 2009. I acted stupidly, carelessly. You know what I mean God. Please forgive me and I beg for your merci. But I learn the lesson. I never want to pitty my reflection in the mirror again. Never ever. I regret all of my madness.

One thing I hate from being 26 is the social pressure on marriage. Many of my friends are now married. some of them havve 2 kids already, and I'm still single. I do enjoy my life. I have my own hobbies and activities, good job, support my life but it's not complete just because i'm single. I once went to my cousin's wedding and everyone literally everyone asked when am i going to get married. In total maybe aroun 150 times. some of them offer me to introduce someone. I'm 26, happy and single, so what? Not that I refuse to get married. But hey... are they going to be responsible if i'm not happy? so let me do this right and not in rush.

Love wise. 2009 was a breakthrough indeed. remind me to make a specific pray God. 2009 is a year with so many (failed) love stories or failed attempts to find love. Gosh, too many guys in a row, too many efforts, just mention! Well at least I manage to end 1 stupid wahatsoever called relationship, errgggg 2 actually. Well basically I finally ended all those attempts. Maybe I need to slightly keep a distance with men. But 2009 is also closed by a blasting end. I finally found the beauty of love.

when love means having someone who care for you, then I have it. When love means having someone who always there for you, then I have it. When it means I can feel very comfortbale, act stupid like a child, be smart, talk high, wear baby doll, be the real me without covering anything, then I have love. If it means that someone spoil me for quite a long time without I realize it, then I have love. Too bad, loving is loosing because it's not a matter of belonging. I finally know how it feels to be complete. To be precious. To love and to be loved. To be in happiness and sadness. To laugh and to cry. To be in tears. To be blessed. to feel what he feels. To be in misery if he feels miserable. To smile when seeing him smile. How I love his smile. To feel sad when he was in tears. To tell stories, to hear stories. To talk, to listen. Just because I love someone. But love also means doing the right way. Love means stay away. Love means going away. Love means turn away. Love means memorizing and putting the memories in a precious place, secured, protected, guarded.

Dear almighty, let me list my dreams for 2010, and learning from my previous mistakes, I will write it as specific as I could and hope they will come true. In general, I want to be a better person. I want 2010 to be a year of blessings, peaceful, tranquil, stable and above all: year of happiness. I hope I could face all obstacles and hande all misery, amin.

1. This is my first priority. I want to get a scholarship to continue my study in human rights or conflict studies in the UK. This year, I want to be in the UK and not in Indonesia. Please listen to my pray God.

2. I want to make my Aceh prject ended very well with good result and if possible no revision or only minor revision for my report.

3. If this year is the time for me to get a new job, I hope my new job will be a job I like in human rights or conflict issues, gives me a freedom to think, an opportunity to grow, chances to attend seminar and courses abroad, as well as a minimum doubled salary than my current job.

4. Please show me the way so my trip and food articles could be published in prominent media such as Kompas..

5. If it's time for me to meet my beloved future husband, please unite me with a single and available man who loves me and I also love him. I want a mature, caring and calm guy, open minded, not a judging person, smart and resourceful to whom i can talk about so many things from politics, philosophy, art, etc, etc, has a good career, vision, mission and dreams in living his life as well as hardworker. I want him to be someone who can makes me smile and laugh. Ability to fix computer would be an advantage. Please send your cv, huahahahha kidding.

6. I would be able to recover from my current love complexity. please give us strength to walk on the right path and give us peaceful and happy life. Don't let me fall in love with a wrong guy again God. Because he is the right guy, but not in the right place and absolutely not in the right time.

7. I want to be a more religious person this year and end my temporary madness. i believe it's time for me to walk on the right track and stop exploting (some) of the deadly sin...... (exploring sin is just kidding)

My wishes for special person
1. Health, wealth and happiness for my mom and my family. I hope my nieces could have good school performance.

2. Please give him strength, enlioghtment, protection, patient, happiness and peace. He is precious. wherever our future will go, he always has a special palce in ,my heart and mind as a great and wondeful man.

3. U always make my wishes come trus, so please make all Lishia's wishes come true. Special pray for special friend.

Thank you God,
Amin....